I havent updated in some time now. my back has gotten worse, I am on Lyrica for the pain that goes down my Right Leg, and ultram for pain in general. My dr, who knows I am an alcoholic refuses to give any sort of opiate even on a PRN basis. My sponsor and I have talked at length about my pain control issues. I ended up in ER last sat eve, got a shot of Dilauded, and a scrip for 30 norco, only a few of which are left.
I have never had an issue with pain meds ( one of the few things I can say that about), and understand the hesitation to have me taking them, but sometimes the pain is so bad that all the lyrica, ultram, prayer, meditation, crying, etc etc etc, just doesnt do it. I finally gave up and agreed to a steroid injection in my spine. This scares the fuck out of me. Yada yada, yeah they do them all the time, and yada yada they are guided with flouroscopy, and yada yada blah blah blah.. I'm still fucking scared, maybe its the being in this field so long, and when working long term care years ago, running into a good sized handful of epidural oopsies. I happen to like deciding when I am going to crap, and use of my legs, the idea of either one of those changing starts the panic. oh dear there we go with those....fucking anxiety has been kinda through the roof lately, thought maybe it was a lull in step work that was causing it...check..nope not that..then thought maybe it was cathy being in the hospital, and me taking care of bone..check...that probably added to it, but that wasn't it...hmm.. oh yeah...THE FUCKING PAIN...oh there we go.. bingo.. found the issue (well a big part of it at least). So my injection date is the 15th. show up bright and early, NPO after midnight... then sign informed consent before the IV..they usually use Propofol, but have informed me they can through a little Versed....Last time I had "concious sedation" I woke up mid procedure, it was an endoscopy, so I woke up, choked and gagged, peed all over myself and the bed before the anestesia was kicked up a notch.. I would rather wake up wiggling with a tube down my throat, than wake up wiggling with a needle in my spine..
hmm what else is new?? sasha is about to pop, still don't know the sex, who cares anyways...ok well we do...sorta..my sister is convinced that if god is gonna hand out babies with ambiguous genitalia, the nice thing for him to do, would be to give it to parents like her, and that she would be a much more loving and open mother than most. What can I say, my sissy's a riot, and I love her to death. She really is my best friend..well she and my wife and my fne.
oh sleep, why must you elude me so? I will trade my back/leg pain for some zzzzzzs