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Jul. 9th, 2010 @ 12:27 pm 1
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nala
Jun. 29th, 2010 @ 10:37 pm (no subject)
in chico again, not sure for how long. waiting for this baby to make an entrance. in the mean time, having an awesome time up here. ironically my grand sponsor is up here too, for bussiness, and we are hooking up tomorrow and going to a meeting. life is awesome
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nala
Jun. 24th, 2010 @ 09:09 pm (no subject)
I look and feel like a pin cushion.
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nala
Jun. 20th, 2010 @ 10:20 pm (no subject)
I hate my fucking chihuahua. I want to get pregnant this summer, and I don't trust that little fucker around my baby.
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nala
Jun. 17th, 2010 @ 08:49 am (no subject)
watching honey I shrunk the kids, and waiting for Jess Scott to come over and play with me. Bike riding and such. What a good Thursday this should be.
I have been painting alot lately. I made a picture for Jonahs room, its his name, and a whale in the ocean. I must say I am rather impressed with myself these days.

I am learning more and more that for some folks sobriety doesn't necessarily mean less asshole. You were a bitch when you were drinking and you are a bitch now. Yet for my own sanity, I am protecting you from my wife's desire to disembowel you where you stand.

I had the strangest blast from the past/sex dream last nite. woke up a little weirded out.
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nala
Jun. 7th, 2010 @ 12:40 am lions and tigers and needles in your spine oh my
Current Mood: soresore
I havent updated in some time now. my back has gotten worse, I am on Lyrica for the pain that goes down my Right Leg, and ultram for pain in general. My dr, who knows I am an alcoholic refuses to give any sort of opiate even on a PRN basis. My sponsor and I have talked at length about my pain control issues. I ended up in ER last sat eve, got a shot of Dilauded, and a scrip for 30 norco, only a few of which are left.
I have never had an issue with pain meds ( one of the few things I can say that about), and understand the hesitation to have me taking them, but sometimes the pain is so bad that all the lyrica, ultram, prayer, meditation, crying, etc etc etc, just doesnt do it. I finally gave up and agreed to a steroid injection in my spine. This scares the fuck out of me. Yada yada, yeah they do them all the time, and yada yada they are guided with flouroscopy, and yada yada blah blah blah.. I'm still fucking scared, maybe its the being in this field so long, and when working long term care years ago, running into a good sized handful of epidural oopsies. I happen to like deciding when I am going to crap, and use of my legs, the idea of either one of those changing starts the panic. oh dear there we go with those....fucking anxiety has been kinda through the roof lately, thought maybe it was a lull in step work that was causing it...check..nope not that..then thought maybe it was cathy being in the hospital, and me taking care of bone..check...that probably added to it, but that wasn't it...hmm.. oh yeah...THE FUCKING PAIN...oh there we go.. bingo.. found the issue (well a big part of it at least). So my injection date is the 15th. show up bright and early, NPO after midnight... then sign informed consent before the IV..they usually use Propofol, but have informed me they can through a little Versed....Last time I had "concious sedation" I woke up mid procedure, it was an endoscopy, so I woke up, choked and gagged, peed all over myself and the bed before the anestesia was kicked up a notch.. I would rather wake up wiggling with a tube down my throat, than wake up wiggling with a needle in my spine..

hmm what else is new?? sasha is about to pop, still don't know the sex, who cares anyways...ok well we do...sorta..my sister is convinced that if god is gonna hand out babies with ambiguous genitalia, the nice thing for him to do, would be to give it to parents like her, and that she would be a much more loving and open mother than most. What can I say, my sissy's a riot, and I love her to death. She really is my best friend..well she and my wife and my fne.

oh sleep, why must you elude me so? I will trade my back/leg pain for some zzzzzzs
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light?
Apr. 28th, 2010 @ 08:23 am Im in love
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
I found something I love more than pickles, chocolate milk, macaroni and cheese, ice cream etc. etc. etc.

my new love...

Mangos
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nala
Apr. 27th, 2010 @ 10:56 am needle in my spine?
Current Mood: crankycranky
no thanks....

lunch with the bf, hanging with my friend, then dinner with wifey (not wife, but wifey).

I'm on a new med.. for people with fibrolyalgia...its for nerve pain.. it sucks.. makes me have fat tongue..lol.. roni says i sound drunk sometimes.. i hate that.. eww..thats why i choose to take it in the later part of the day, so I can get shit done in the early part without feeling retarded and slow.

I want my mommy
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nala
Mar. 26th, 2010 @ 08:08 am crappy update
Current Mood: crappycrappy
so, back is still fucked.

got an MRI, and apparently I have one disc bulging, possibly herniated and another that shows "evidence" of a tear.... fuck..
my primary wants to stick a needle in my back and give either a steroid injection, or a nerve block..
no way..I am exhausting all other options first. i really like my chiro...
I guess we will see what happens..
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nala
Feb. 23rd, 2010 @ 09:47 am today...life is..
Current Mood: calmcalm
awesome..
havent lost as many lbs as I was hoping, but I feel so much better...and since I have been doing a bit of weights (what a fucking rush), I'm guessing I am building a bit of muscle while burning fat..my arms are starting to look muuuuch more toned, and pretty strong..I do alot of interval walk/run on the treadmill....totally makes me feel alive.. I tried going on a walk run with Oliver the other day, but running in the cold air has a little different feel in the lungs, than the gym does.. so I did a mostly walk, a little running for 90 minutes with him.. it was great.. but my shins are paying for doing all of that on hard concrete..
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nala
Feb. 20th, 2010 @ 08:21 am (no subject)
Current Mood: creativecreative
is stalling at getting dressed..
then heading out to be of service for a bit this morning.
gonna go ride my bike to North Hall.

Hope you all have a great day.

Oh and Jonah and I made some killer sidewalk chalk art in front of my house...I'll be sad when it washes off.
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nala
Feb. 14th, 2010 @ 07:31 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
shopping for creamer and other essentials at safeway.. mr panic attack creeped up (sneaky bastard)....almost lost it...kept my composure, got in the car and cried.. came home, took half an enxiety pill and ate marinated mozzerella balls with basalmic vinnie...

now I feel a romantic bubble bath, hot sex, movies, and cuddling in the near future.
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nala
Feb. 14th, 2010 @ 01:24 am (no subject)
she is gonna love it when she wakes up in the morning.. yay Vday...this was so much fun to create.
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nala
Feb. 8th, 2010 @ 12:11 pm skating
Current Mood: crappycrappy
went rollerskating along the river on the bike trail with my dog.. was having a great time, enjoying nature, enjoying the fresh air, then BAM ate shit. owwie
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nala
Feb. 8th, 2010 @ 01:33 am (no subject)
I can't remember her voice anymore
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nala
Feb. 8th, 2010 @ 12:23 am anxiety
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
hopefully this anxiety attack nite is wrapping up to a close. finally got up out of bed after lying there for 2 hours with my heart beating so hard I was shocked it didn't wake up the house.

I took half of an anxiety pill.
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nala
Jan. 28th, 2010 @ 01:52 am (no subject)
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
macaroni and cheese is the devil

my dads birthday is friday, we are all doing dinner together.
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nala
Jan. 24th, 2010 @ 08:48 pm workout entry 2
Current Mood: crazycrazy
down roughly 4.5 lbs so far. bought new workout shoes at nordstrom rack today, working out let me know how wrong those shoes were for me..now my right heel hurts soooo bad. so, took the shoes back. will find more later..
this working out thing is a bit addicting. In fact I think I kinda wanna take off in the middle of the night tonight and go work out for hours.. just get on the treadmill and run and run and run until this crazy head of mine shuts the fuck up.

the notebook is on, and I want to barf.
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nala
Jan. 20th, 2010 @ 01:58 pm fitness/fertility first entry
Current Mood: determineddetermined
just rejoined 24 hr fitness..so here's the stats as of today.

208lbs
size 14/16
38dd

did an hour of cardio today (30 of bike, and 30 of walk run interval training on treadmill)
45min of light weights.

I am having killer cramps right now, and although painful as hell, I am super happy because that means this is the 2nd regular cycle in a row.
I am aiming for 4 regular cycles on my own without help from medication (other than the glucophage), and a weight of 190 (18lbs lost) before beginning inseminations. I want to up the chances before shelling out the money, and the lower the BMI the more regular the cycles, the more regular the cycles, the higher chance of conception without Clomid. Not that I would mind a set of twins, I just don't want to add to my already high risk of ovarian cancer by playing God with medications.

hope to update fairly regularly on my progress..... wish me luck....
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light?
Jan. 16th, 2010 @ 06:16 am (no subject)
Current Mood: contentcontent
this crazy thing called marriage, get's better all the time. She knows everything I am going to say, before I say it..and vise versa..but we shut up and listen, cause we love to hear one another speak.
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nala
Jan. 15th, 2010 @ 01:36 pm (no subject)
I wanna go to Haiti for a few weeks. I think I could really be of service there.
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nala
Jan. 13th, 2010 @ 12:04 pm showtunes
Current Mood: amusedamused
so, apparenly my dane wants to try out for broadway.. I was rocking out around the house to showtunes, fiddler on the roof, beauty and the beast, phantom of the opera.. and he was singing/howling, barking right along.. omg I almost died laughing.....
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nala
Jan. 11th, 2010 @ 08:42 pm (no subject)
life is good. Wii is addicting, thankgod so many of the games I enjoy are pretty active ones.
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nala
Jan. 5th, 2010 @ 01:52 am meetings
Current Mood: busybusy
I went to the monthly bussiness meeting today. I now have a secretary position for a meeting at North Hall, and it is mandatory to attend these. Bussiness meetings are a perfect example of principles not personalities, lol.
I have a meeting tomorrow for work, it's for partnership council, we will see what we can do about improving some things on our floor.
Busy, busy, busy, and loving it.
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nala
Dec. 28th, 2009 @ 07:03 pm (no subject)
Current Location: my awesome home
Current Mood: flipping headache
OK. just watched Intervention.. brought me to tears..

Now it's time for Hoarders, to bring me to Nausea..
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nala
Dec. 19th, 2009 @ 11:51 am (no subject)
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Picked up my chip last nite. Stayed up super late. Roni had to get up at 4 am to head to Santa Cruz for a job, so when I found myself still awake at 230 I decided to stay up until she left for work.. I made her breakfast that was done perfectly by the time she rose from the dead. Then I went to bed and passed out till almost 11. I don't want to work today, in fact I don't want to do anything today. Maybe sleep all day. Well I'm gonna go lie down for another hour before I have to start getting ready..
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nala
Dec. 19th, 2009 @ 12:18 am (no subject)
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
I loved you more than you will ever know, still do. I am sorry for all the times I wasn't there. And I will never forget the amazing times we had together. You will always remain in my heart.
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b&w
Dec. 17th, 2009 @ 10:04 am (no subject)
horrible dream this morning..
ewwww..
but..
I have an amazing sponsor..I heart Kelly..
And a killer rad bestie..I heart Miguel..
And a super wife..I heart the shit out of Roni..
bubble bath time..soak the bad dream away..then it's shopping..well some writing too..maybe a meeting.. my bday is coming up on the 21st..

Life is amazing today..
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nala
Dec. 7th, 2009 @ 02:28 am out
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
went out last nite for the first time in ages....everyone was pretty trashed....It was much less fun than I remembered going out to be....dropped by depot then badlands..my friend is moving to portugal, it was her going away shindig.. which is what drug me out after a long long evening at work..
Thankyou Arnold, I love that our Oncology floor is becoming a flippin psych ward...and from what I hear, it's not just our floor, or our hospital for that matter. it's pretty much the way california is now dealing with this crazy crisis....

However, on a much higher note, I have had this amazing spiritual experience over this last weekend. I'm not sure if I will ever quite be the same.

It's like 500 o clock.. and i need to be sleeping
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nala
Nov. 26th, 2009 @ 08:25 am turkey day
Happy thanksgiving every one. I was blessed with a bunch of pictures of my mom on her last thanksgiving. They were hard to look at. She almost looked dead already in some of them. I started out my morning with a good cry, then the perfect amounth of holding, then some good coffee. I have so much to be thankful for.
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nala